Are You on the Sideline?

One of the problem we sometimes encounter in group of friends or colleagues is the feeling of being neglected or less considered by some people of the group. For those who already went trough it, you can tell it’s pretty upsetting for one reason: it affects our precious self-esteem. Once our self-esteem touched, we get in the defensive zone whenever that group say something about us, we become negative, and we feel like we need to prove them something in other to belong to the group or to be considered by them. If you are part of a team (sport team, school team, work team, or cheerleader …) then you know what I am talking about here. Why do you feel neglected?

1.  The appreciation issue: Lot of people have a problem of fairly appreciating themselves and to accept their strengths and what makes them great. Try to praise the next person you meet after reading this article, just try to tell that you like their shoes or shirt. The common reaction is usually what I call a “self-killing answer” . Which means that the person will more likely go ahead and say : “Oh it’s not that good.” or ” oh it’s old”, or “oh I got it for very cheap”. All those kind of answers are the ways  to tell people what I wear or who I am do not deserve any great appreciation. The best way to respond to praises, we’ve learned it when we were kids, we reply: “THANK YOU, I appreciate that, I love good shoes.”  Did you get a good idea at work for a project and your boss congratulates you?…Say THANK YOU and do not add “I got it by chance.” In short, understand that when people do appreciate you, then you truly deserve it and you need to accept it fairly. You need to be what you are looking for.  You want to be considered by others? Then start by considering yourself. 
2. Who you compare yourself to? Very often in groups, there are some kind of competition or challenge going on. We know that, and it’s a fact, people like to be surrounded by successful people, and usually the less successful one will be less solicited. But what does it mean to be successful if it’s not to do your real best at what you want to achieve? I believe success is based on values and people should be comparing themselves not to others but to their constant effort at improving themselves day after day towards their ultimate goal; that’s the value, that’s what success really means. If you compare yourself to someone who do not even compare himself to you and you fail at beating him again and again, well you also fail at gaining his strong consideration.   
3. Give to get – We all know the saying: “respect is earned”. Well, so is everything. Do not expect someone to consider you if you do not deserve it and more important , if you do not consider neither the other person. Do expect to take someone as trash and to get from him the red carpet. You need to value the other people the way you want to be valued for them to tend to value you the same.
4. It’s in your mind – Sometimes it might just be the fruit of your assumptions. You’ve been judging, interpreting, analyzing, and explaining your friends group members’ behaviors and you conclude to be the one neglected. That usually happens when people are negative and the best way to deal with it is to go and talk with one of the member and explain your feeling. 

As you know, I strongly believe relationship matters. We are all part of a community, part of a society, and it doesn’t matter who are neither what you do, no one like to be put on the sideline. So, do what it’s needed to be considered by giving genuine interest to others and if for any reason you still feel neglected understand it’s OK to change one  group for better one.