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Webinar With Keith Ferrazzi on Relationship Networking

November 4th, at 9 PM EST (6 PM Pacific) at no charge, a power-packed webinar, titled “Double Your Sales and Recession-Proof Your Business (Or: Networking Secrets for Thriving in Totally Screwed-up Times!).”

Click here to register.

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5 Ways To Get Someone Who Doesn’t Know You To feel Comfortable Talking

You have about ten seconds before a person decides, subconsciously, whether they like you or not. Also, the image or impression someone has of you the first time the person meets you will last the next seven time the person will come to meet you. All that to show how important and delicate it can be to start and connect with a new contact. Whether you are in business, journalism, politics, or unemployed, it comes a time you need to solicit the service of attention of someone. It might be at a conference, at a meeting, during a plane trip, on the street…And yet, the person you are trying to talk to does not feel comfortable talking. What a pretty uncomfortable and awkward situation, isn’t it? There can be plenty of reasons why a person will not feel comfortable talking to you. Some reasons might be directly linked to you and some not. And of course, at the end of the day, if someone doesn’t want to talk to you, so what? Isn’t the world full of people to talk to? Yet, even if that last assertion is true, we can neglect or hide the shame we feel inside of us when addressing to someone, the person doesn’t feel comfortable to reply. To help you clear that issue forever, here are some tips that I’ve learned from the Relationship development expert Ketith Ferrazzi. Keith Ferrazzi is known as the youngest executive from a Fortune 500 company and he is also known as one of the most connected business man and entrepreneur in the US. Visit Keith Ferrazzi expert page at

How Do You Get Someone Who Doesn’t Know You To feel Comfortable Talking?

  1. First of all, share with the person a hearty smile. You probably read me on another post and I was pointing the importance of the smile. Smiling is such a relationship key when it comes to have a healthy connection with someone. By smiling, you send that message: “I’m approachable.”
  2. Have a good eye contact. Your eye contact must be balanced. Do not stand there starring at the person with your eyes wide opened as if he was coming from Mars, the person will be scared. Instead, keep an about 80% eye contact. An eye contact less than 70% of the time may make the person believes that you are not that much interested and have something else to do. A 100% of the time, again, will be a little bit scary for the person. The balance will at about 80% of the time to keep the eye contact.
  3. Look relax. So many times you will see people talking to someone else with arms crossed. To make the other person feel comfortable talking, you need to unfold your arms and look relax. Remember people tend to react according to your body language.
  4. Watch out for the distance between you and the person. Make sure you do not invade the other person’s space. When you do so, the person feel unsecured and uncomfortable and then the person will tend to step back to regain his distance. When respecting the distance between the two of you and showing engagement and interest by nodding your head and leaning in, the person will be more opened to keep up with you.
  5. Master your act of touching. Touching is such a powerful act. In Africa, shaking someone hand with your two hands is a tremendous sign of respect. Many people show that their intentions are friendly by shaking hands. If you are coming from a distance give a wave and a smile as you approach the person before shaking the hands.

Because relationship matters, everything has to be done to continuously empower them and the extra effort starts right at the beginning when getting the person you don’t know yet to feel comfortable talking.

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What Makes a Great Phone Conversation?

Happy Phone Call

In the 1870s, two inventors Elisha Gray and Alexander Graham Bell both independently designed devices that could transmit speech electrically (the telephone). Today, thanks to the technology, the phone companies, and people purchasing power, the acquisition and use of phones keep on growing. From the little feet to the 90+ years of age, everyone has and uses phones nowadays to communicate. Since communication is the reason why people do use phones, how important it is to be skilled at handling phone conversations and to leave a remarkable lasting impression of you to the person on the other line?

We’ve probably all already experienced the situation of making or receivin a phone call that lasted about 2 minutes not becuase there was absolutely nothing to share with the person but mostly becuase we didn’t know what to share, how to share it, or even because we didn’t “connect” with the person. I am talking especially here of people we know, people we have fun meeting with outside, but somehow when we have then on phone, it feels like talking to a complete stranger. Well, the techniques I am about to share here will be helpful to any kind of situation you might face in a phone conversation to make the person go WOW and thank you for such a wonderful phone conversation.  Just to be clear, here are the situations the techniques I am about to share can be apply to:

  • You call or receive a phone call from a friend you haven’t talked with for a very long time
  • You call or receive a phone call from a newly established relationship
  • You call or receive a phone call for service purposes
  • You call or receive a phone call from a friend’s friend
  • You call or receive a phone call from a colleague or previous colleague
  • You call or receive a phone call from your boss

Now, before I get started, understand that they following techniques on this post are applicable on each and all of the above cited situations. On later posts I will dig more on the subject and will share techniques for each specific situation. As for now, here are the techniques you can master today to make a great phone conversation no matter what situation you are in.

  1. Never rush to answer a phone call – Again, like I love to say in my other blog at, preparation in anything is one key of success. When you have your phone ringing you want to make sure you first see who is calling, make the pre-thinking of why the person might be calling, what is the last news you got about the person, and what you have in common with the person. The reason behind it is that, the first seconds after you answer the phone is definitely ging to set the tone of the phone conversations. If you’re not in good shape to talk to the person, or you are too busy at the moment, or for whatever reason you are not sure you do want to speak to the person at this time, then it’s better not to answer the call and to send a text to the person to apologyze for not picking up the phone and tell him that you will call back later. In your text, don’t forget to ask him if the reason behind the call is important and urgent. So when you call back you are already prepared to engage in an important phone call.
  2. Give your best smile – So many people still believe that because it’s a phone conversation, it’s hard to know if you smile or not. Well, when you are on phone, the person on the other line might not see you but he/she can well feel your emotions and state of mind. So be enthusiast and smiling when you pick up the phone. Don’t make a phone call if you are not at the best of your state because you might just end up messing up the other person day.
  3. Give a warm greeting – Thanks to the technology and the smart phones, you can now have a call ID to identify who is calling you. So STOP picking your phone and say: “Hallo!” In the past saying the “Hallo” was the polite way to answering the phone because you couldn’t know who was calling. Today it’s not true. So as you answering your phone call, give the same warm greeting you would have given if the person was in front of you:Hey Dustin! What’s up my man?!” with the big smile on your face. Say the person’s name as you greet him/her so that he/she can be flattered that you have his/her saved on your cell phone (which demonstrates a mark of respect and attention). Especially in that case, if it’s your boss, please do not say “man”. Be professional and say: “Hey Dustin! or Hey Mr. Jones” depending on how you are used to call him, but always with the big smile and enthusiast voice.
  4. Be a leader, break the ice – Once the warm greetings have been made, whether you made the call or not you can take the leadership in making clear what the purpose of the call really is. This is like the Ice breaker. If you made the call, then you can just go like: “Hey Dustin, I’am glad I got you on phone, I hope I am not interrupting anything important. I am calling because…” Whoever you are calling this sentence will be appropriate, it will break the ice, and lead the other one as of where the phone conversation will be going. If you are receiving the call, then you can simply ask with an enthusiastic voice: “what’s going on Dustin? What you’ve been up to since we last met?” That kind of open question give the opportunity to break the ice, and invite the two of you to give some news updates, to value the importance of the phone call, and see how much time can be allocated for that phone call.
  5. Watch out for the time – Time matters, you already know that. So when you call someone and based on the type, quality, and strength of the relationship that you have, you might want to pay particular attention to the amount of time you spent on the phone with him/her. The situation you want to avoid is to speak so much that the two of you run out of topics. If you do so, then you will have the feeling that you do not to speak with them again next time. What I recommend is to speak with people a maximum of about 15 to 20 minutes. If at the end of the 20 minutes you feel like the two of you still have a lot to share, then apologyze yourself and ask for what will be the nest time to call back for next time. I guarantee you, next time you will come, the person will pick up the phone at the very first ring tone.
  6. Value the phone call – Whether you are the one calling or the one receiving the phone call, for the person on the other line to be interested in being on phone with you, you have to value that phone call. Here are some ways to value the phone call:
    – Pay attention when the person talk: again, if it’s true that we might not be able to see you when you are on phone, we can still feel whether or not you are present on the phone talk. So cut off the TV or other noise around you to be able to well listen to the person and for the person to be able to know that he/she is well listened.
    Make follow up feedbacks when you are discussing: follow up feedbacks are any types of feedbacks you may give to show the person that you are listening. It might a “Huh hum!” or a “I agree with you on that”, or a laugh, a question, an invitation to repeat what has just been said.
  7. Thanks for the call – Understand that for someone to call you or to answer to your call, the person shows you consideration. When someone is giving a call or your are the one making the phone call, even if it’s your best friend or relative, always make sure to say Thanks Dustin for checking on me. It was nice having you on phone.”

Today, because of the distance, the work, and other occupations, it’s becoming very hard to meet people in person whether for business or personal matters. That is why mastering phone calls are in today’s world very important. With that said, it doesn’t matter who you are calling or who is calling you, make sure you create in that person a great desire to have you again on phone or even better you create in him/her such a lasting good impression running a great phone conversation that the person want to meet you in person to have a drink with you and continue the conversation.

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