Posts Tagged relations tips

Do You Have your Circle of Influence lists?

One of the reason that motivated me to become a Relationship Strategist after 6 years in Sales is the non-stop calling I get from my friends and relatives to ask me for advices on subjects like starting an intimate relationship, dealing with friends/family, or even developing a network. Unconsciously, I’ve always been able to have and maintain an enviable and respectable relationship with all the people I’ve been in touch with. As matter of fact, once you get in touch with me, you never forget about me, that’s a fact. And somehow, I always knew which door to knock at to ask for help and always, I got the door opened. I then understood once I sat down about 6 years ago, when thinking of that blessing of mine, that to some extend, life is all about trying to know somebody who knows somebody who can answer or hlp us answer the what, why, where, how, when of our ultimate goal. Therefore, I tried to figure out an easy way or technique  that I could teach to other and that could help them to better manage their contacts. I call that technique the Circle of Influence lists or COI.  


Why “circle”? – Because people’s importance in your life rotate according to your goal. For example, today Pat might be an influent key player when it comes to find the nice parties. However, tomorrow, the same Pat, now decision-maker in a company might be an influent key player when it comes to closing a big deal or generating big leads. Each circle represents a goal to achieve.

Why “influence”? – Because the people in each categorized circle are able due to their expertise or uniqueness (job, location, contacts…) to help you towards accomplishing your goal.

Why “list”? – Because the whole purpose is to generate a list. 

The COI  list is a categorized and classified list of all the people you know. The purpose of this list is to help you be aware of the people around you who have the ability to give you a hand. There are lot of websites now such as linkedin that help to stay updated of what people do and to even have on your network people you never met but you can connect with. Those are wonderful tools that you can put at your service and that can help you know which door to knock at when you need something, and also and more important to anticipate.

Other than having an updated, categorized, and classified version of people around me that I know, the other benefit the COI list is to help you think in advance and to plan. As we grow, we all have a bucket list, a list of things we want to realize, to accomplish before the end of our time down here, whether or not is to get married, run our own business, or make a special trip. What usually happen when you do not plan in relationship? What usually happens is that a person of influence for the advancement or even accomplishment of that ultimate goal comes to us by surprise. Imagine you go out at a party then you see Pat, a great high school friend you lost contact with and he is a contact of influence for your ultimate goal. If you already put some thoughts and work to determine and write down that ultimate goal, then you will directly see the value Pat can bring to the table. However, if a pre-job hasn’t been done, then you will notice only later (maybe it will be too late) that Pat was a key person to have approached, solidified, and maintained the relationship. 

How To make the COI list

  1. Think, define, and write down your bucket list – Ask yourself what do you want to accomplish in life and just write it down without thinking if it is worthy or not, without asking if it make sense or not, without asking if it is feasible or not. Just think of it and think big, then write it down. If you can, and I do recommend it, think of all what you want to accomplish in your personal life, social life, professional life, and even your religious life.        

    Making the COI list

  2. Make the classified list – Make a list of all the people you know with of course all the contact information possible you can have about them (work/office/mobile phones, location, place of work, title, websites, blogs, social networks IDs…) and categorized as follow: 
    – People you know very well  (usually best friends and family)
    – People you’ve collaborated with for a long time (colleagues, school friends, sports friends)
    – Friends from friends that are your friends but not directly linked to you (you met them through your friends)
    – Strong clients 
    – Social network (linkedin, hi5, facebook…) 
  3. Categorize and rate – Affect each of the generated contact list to the circle of goal that best matches with the circle of goal where they can best have an influence in helping you realize it. The closer the people of the circle are from the center of the circle, the more their influence. Do not forget to rate those people with stars. The more stars they get, the stronger your relationship with them at the time before you any involvement in any of your plans. 

Two years ago, the company I was working with sent me to Oregon for a three-month sales campaign. By that time I already knew I wanted to run my consulting company as a relationship strategist and also I already knew I wanted to have a website that will help me spread out words from experts to empower people, but I had no practical knowledge about internet marketing. I didn’t know how to build a website, how to create a mailing list and make it grow, how to increase the SEO ranking… I then make my COI list on the goal of setting up my website and build and be present in the net. Thanks to one of my big client Tony Manso from Oregon (Tony is the Founder of who is now my mentor in website building, thanks to my friend Yacine Bahri in France (Yacine is the Founfer of who helped me in understanding how the SEO works and other practical information about internet marketing, thanks to my brother Gabriel Foussouo in Cameroon (Gabriel is the Founder of Accent) who inspired me on designing websites, and thanks to my team member and associate Sandro Gohoho in Canada who is of a great motivation in keeping up with the project, thanks to all of them, today my goal in becoming a well-known Relationship Strategist is in good track. I have founded and run a website (, two bogs (Act2be Blog and the Relationship Matters blog), I am invited to give speeches through the Toastmaster International network, and I inspire people. Do you feel it would be a great idea to count me as one of your contact in any circle? Then follow me at any of my social network page: my facebook page | my facebook fan page |my twitter page | my linkedin page


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Is Facebook a problem at home?

Hi everyone, you are on Relationship Matters Blog. Our today’s issue is about how to solve the problem with Facebook or other social networks and even simply the internet at home. More than ever before, social network follow us everywhere we go. We facebook, hi5, or tweet at work, at our break time, and even at home whether on computer or mobile phones. However, the facebook-mania doesn’t always serve our interest espacially when we get back home after a long day of we’ve been away from the love one(s) and we get home and all we think about is to go login on facebook. Watch the video and read the tips I have for you. 

For one or another, that can be very irritating but here is how you can actually handle the situation at everyone benefit:

  1. Do not make facebook a priority when you get back home after work. Please don’t get me wrong here. I do love facebooking as well but I know if when I get back home I rush to facebook my love will turn upside down and be upset, which is not what I want. So what I do, I make sure I first give my love one (s) genuine interests asking about the day, work, friends, helping at fixing the diner, doing the dishes, and relaxing. Those small but very significant marks of attentions we all as human natures are expecting from loved ones.
  2. Make facebook be a “together fun”: In other words you must sell the value of your facebook and make your significant other buy the idea he/she can have fun facebooking with you. One of the reason your love one(s) might hate to see you facebooking is because you don’t associate them to that pleasure of yours so they feel put aside and they don’t love watching from the sideline. Do you have common friends? Well about telling the loved one(s): hey! Let’s facebook together to see what our friends are up to?
  3. Be discipline: this key is more about your time management. Single people or people living alone have more reason to be facebooking all night long, theyhave no one next to them. Once we have someone by our side then we need to set a time when to go facebook and also how long we’re gonna facebook. This is nothing else than a mark of love and interest we give to the person next to us and they will appreciate it. To some point, I would even say you do not need to bring facebook home everyday, you can do it on week-ends if it’s not one of your business maketing tool. 

So far those are keys I know for sure will get you out of trouble if facebook and other social network site or even simply internet is an issue at home with your love one(s)

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